Welcome to our new website! First time logging in? Instructions here

View All COSI Blog

The Stories our Shark Music Tells Us

Our internal narratives about parenting can affect how we respond to our children's needs.

A person with long red hair sits on a park bench by a tranquil pond, wearing a colorful sweater and scarf. Lush green trees surround, with distant walkers. Calm ambiance.

This week, a parent asked me “Are the stories in my head about my parenting and my child Shark Music?”. She went on to share that since becoming a parent, she has been terrified that she will raise “an ungrateful brat” and each time her daughter cries, becomes upset or disappointed she hears this message, and several others: “don’t let her think that it’s OK to cry about everything”, “she’s so spoilt”, “everyone can see this terror I have raised”.

There are many messages we hear about ourselves, others, and our children. Of course, not all of these are bad, but part of learning about Shark Music is recognizing which messages stop us from seeing clearly. 

When it comes to teasing out what is Shark Music, an important question to ask is whether these messages get in the way of our response to needs on the Circle. Shark Music is any feeling or message that tells us that a legitimate need is not OK, and that it shouldn’t be expressed or responded to. For this parent, her Shark Music told her that her daughter’s cries for comfort and need for support to organize her feelings were a signal of her “inadequate parenting” and her daughter’s unreasonable demands.

Hearing these messages is not unique – in fact, Shark Music is universal. Welcome to the Club. The challenge for all of us is beginning to recognise these stories as Shark Music and discovering how listening to these can stop us from meeting legitimate relational needs.

What messages have you begun to recognize as Shark Music? Which needs on the Circle have these messages stopped you from feeling comfortable to express or meet?

I invite you to share with me your comments, reflections, Circle stories and experiences with the Circle of Security. Your submissions may be used in future blog posts, with all identifying information excluded, unless you specifically request to be identified. Contact me at brooke[at]circleofsecurityinternational[dot]com

Related Articles

Enhancing Adult Wellbeing through Circle of Security Parenting

Circle of Security Parenting (COSP) was designed to strengthen the relationship between parents and children. But what happens when we use that same framework to support adults in caring for themselves?

Read More
Is Attachment Theory Just a Western Idea?

As attachment-based approaches like Circle of Security gain global recognition, some parents wonder: Is this just another Western parenting trend that doesn't apply to our family or culture? It's a fair question, and the answer might surprise you.

Read More
Your Baby's Incredible Brain: Built to Thrive in Any World

Have you ever marveled at how a baby can learn to speak fluent Mandarin in Beijing, perfect English in Boston, or beautiful Swahili in Nairobi? This amazing ability reveals something profound about how our little ones come into the world.

 

Read More

Map of Regions