For Parents Raising Young Children
A parent recently described something many of us recognize once we name it: at the park, she's not just parenting her child. She's parenting for an audience. In the back of her mind, she's making sure the other parents can see she's the kind of parent who sets boundaries but still attends to feelings.
It's a small moment, and it says a lot about where parenting is right now. It has become a performance, and social media keeps turning up the volume.
Why This Happens
It makes sense that we'd feel this way. We're constantly exposed to other people's opinions on how children should be raised, and every scroll brings another take on what we should be doing and another reason to worry we're getting it wrong. Of course we've become acutely aware of how we look to others.
That awareness has a cost, though, and it shows up in at least two ways.
It Distances Us From Our Child
When we're parenting for an audience, we're no longer simply responding to what our child needs in the moment. We're responding to what we imagine someone else thinks we should do. That puts an extra layer between you and your child, and the layer is mostly guesswork.
We aren't very good at reading other people's minds, and we'll never please everyone watching. Trying to check some imagined box keeps us anxious and performing, and that anxiety doesn't stay contained. Our kids feel it too.
It Distances Us From Each Other
Instead of the shared, knowing look between parents that says I've been there, we end up scanning each other for judgment. One of the hardest jobs in the world gets a little lonelier than it needs to be.
Connection Over Correctness
We were never meant to parent alone, and we were never meant to parent perfectly.
So the next time you catch yourself reaching for the "just right" response, the one that would look good to whoever might be watching, try reaching for connection instead, with your child and with the parent sitting next to you.
That relationship, messy and imperfect as it is, is worth more than any performance of getting it right.
