For Parents of Young Children
If you've ever wondered whether twenty minutes of TV time for your children while you washed the dishes undid all your good parenting, take a breath. You're far from alone.
A recent BBC article looks at how the flood of parenting advice is leaving many parents more anxious, not more confident. The article cites government research suggesting that roughly two-thirds of parents with young children feel overwhelmed by the information available.
The article features Circle of Security Parenting (COSP) Facilitator Jennifer Peters of Connected Lives, who describes COSP this way, "It's not telling you how to parent. It's helping you think." That is the heart of it. COSP isn't one more style to measure yourself against. It's a way of seeing your child's needs, and your own responses, more clearly.
A Map of What Children Need
That's what we hope every parent takes away. Circle of Security Parenting (COSP) isn't a set of rules or one more parenting style to live up to. It's a map of what children need, and a way to understand why some of those needs are harder for us to meet than others.
Children need us in two ways. On the top of the Circle, they need us to support their exploration: watch over me, delight in me, help me, enjoy with me. On the bottom of the Circle, they need us to welcome their coming to us: protect me, comfort me, delight in me, organize my feelings. Our Hands are the secure base they go out from and the safe haven they come back to.
What do those Hands need to be?
Always be Bigger, Stronger, Wiser, and Kind. Whenever possible, follow my child's need. Whenever necessary, take charge.
Notice what isn't on that list. Perfect.
Good Enough Is Enough
Often, what our children need most from a parent is someone to Be With them all around the Circle: someone who watches over and enjoys their exploration without intruding or getting dismissive, and stays available when they have big feelings, without rushing to fix, lecture, or trying to make the feelings go away. A child who isn't left alone with their needs on the Circle learns, over time, that feelings are safe and that their needs can be met.
The good news is that children don't need perfect. They need a parent who keeps showing up, who is willing to be with them in their feelings, and who repairs when things go wrong. That is what we mean by good enough.
When the Advice Feels Like Too Much
If the flood of parenting advice feels like too much, more of it isn't the answer. What helps is space to slow down, a lens through which to wonder about what your child needs, time to tap into your own hardwiring for security, and trust in what you already know. That's what a COSP group offers.
Read the full BBC article.
