Following Their Lead: A Circle of Security Approach to Potty Training
The Circle of Security teaches parents how to adjust our lens to focus on attachment needs. This was brand new territory for me at first: seeing attachment. I definitely get frustrated with this learning curve at times. What I realize is that being frustrated with the Circle means I am aware of the Circle, and that's something.
The Challenge of Hidden Needs
It is hard to parent what is Hidden in Plain Sight when there are so many things we are supposed to be helping our children to learn. In uncertain moments it would be damn good to have someone tell me what specifically to do. But then, all the well-intended comments new parents hear from other parents who have "made it" freak us out! (Or freak me out anyhow).
Following the Child's Lead
There have been so many times I have felt like I needed to get big and strong over a developmental milestone for my kids, because it feels like somewhere some other parent is getting their kid to line up more accurately with some developmental chart. But the Circle teaches us to first/most Follow Our Child's Need, and then, Whenever Necessary, Take Charge.
Our Potty Training Journey
This has been brutally hard for me with potty training. My daughter just turned three and has only just started learning to use the potty. I felt such shame and anxiety for the past year. I had tried to find ways to make potty training happen: Peppa Pig panties, potty books, potty cartoons, pull ups, songs, stories, and gentle pleas for her to take interest.
Understanding Readiness
She wasn't interested because she wasn't ready yet. And, I did not understand that until I witnessed that she was ready. Over the past year, my Shark Music and my parental shame robbed me from seeing what was Hidden in Plain Sight - that she was slowly preparing to take this next step, and how the materials and conversation about the potty helped her to build confidence that I would be there for her. I realize now I followed her need when I organized her feelings until she was ready.
Finding Peace in the Process
Potty training can be a scary thing for parents. I am glad I managed my impulse to Take Charge, and gave her enough room to decide when she was ready to explore this brand new experience. I endured my own anxiety just enough to give her space to find her way. And I love our potty training Circle story, I can only imagine it feels better than if I had let my Shark Music take over completely for us.
Looking Ahead
There are so many things that are going to be hard for me. Part of managing Shark Music is allowing myself to know that my child's Circle will move at her own pace. I can imagine this will be hard for me with future developmental milestones, and so I'll use the Circle to help keep an eye on this.
