While learning about Hands on the Circle during a chapter two group, a mother asks me if children can be the Hands for the parent. She shares, "When I get upset and my one year old son sees that I am crying, he runs to me and gives me a hug and a kiss. And I immediately feel happy. That's why I am wondering if there is such a thing."
My response, "That's such a good question!"
After a few minutes filled with comments from other parents, the parent answers her own question. "I had those moments when I was growing up when I had to be there for my mom. I was there for her more than she was there for me. She calls me now when she has a problem. But I don't turn to my mom, I handle my own problems. And I don't want my son to feel like he has to be there for me. I'm supposed to be his secure base. If I'm being a secure base for my mom what secure base do I have?"
My response, "It sounds like you really remember what it feels like to be that child." I wait with her as she quietly remembers, and her eyes fill with tears.
Sometimes, given the opportunity, we discover together that parents already know the answer to the questions they ask us. It is in those moments that our job is to hold the space, so parents can access their own wisdom.
