As we step into 2026, the familiar ritual of resolutions beckons. Gyms will fill, diets will begin, and countless promises for self-improvement will be made. But what if we approached this new year differently? What if, instead of focusing solely on changing behaviors, we considered the deeper relational foundations that support lasting growth?
The Circle of Security offers a different lens through which to view personal change, one rooted in our fundamental need for secure connection rather than willpower alone.
The Problem with Performance-Based Resolutions
Traditional resolutions often focus on what we need to fix about ourselves. We resolve to lose weight, exercise more, or break bad habits. While these goals aren't inherently wrong, they can reinforce a message that we're not acceptable as we are right now.
This performance-based approach often mirrors early experiences of conditional acceptance, the message that love depends on meeting certain expectations. When resolutions become another way to prove our worth, they can increase shame and disconnection when we inevitably struggle.
A Secure Base for Change
The Circle of Security teaches us that all growth happens best from a foundation of safety and acceptance. Just as children need a secure base from which to explore, adults need relational security to support meaningful change.
This year, consider resolutions that strengthen your capacity to be both a secure base and safe haven, for yourself and others. Instead of resolving to be perfect, what if you resolved to be present?
Attachment-Informed Intentions for 2026
Cultivate Self-Compassion: Practice offering yourself the same kindness you'd give a good friend when facing setbacks.
Deepen Presence: Choose quality time over quantity time in relationships. Put down devices, make eye contact, and truly listen.
Embrace Authentic Vulnerability: Allow trusted people to see your real struggles and joys, creating space for genuine connection.
Practice Delight: Notice and celebrate the unique qualities of people in your life, especially children, rather than focusing primarily on behavior.
Create Safe Spaces: Become someone others can turn to without fear of judgment or criticism.
The Ripple Effect of Secure Relationships
When we focus on strengthening our capacity for secure connection, we become safer people for others to be around. Children feel more comfortable coming to us with big feelings. Partners feel more accepted in their imperfection. Friends experience less pressure to perform for our approval.
This doesn't mean abandoning personal goals. Rather, it means approaching change from a foundation of self-acceptance and relational safety. When we feel securely connected, we're more likely to take healthy risks, persist through difficulties, and celebrate progress rather than demand perfection.
Growing Into 2026
As you consider this new year, remember that lasting change rarely happens in isolation. We grow best in relationship, supported by others who see our potential while accepting our present reality.
What would it look like to make 2026 the year you focused not just on becoming different, but on becoming more deeply connected, to yourself and to the people who matter most?
