A Facilitator's Reflection
During a parent group, a facilitator was talking about how body language communicates to children whether or not we are actually present. She used the example of using the phone, and what that feels like to children. A young woman in the group said, "You do that to me all the time. You pick up your phone and look at it when I am talking."
Feeling quite exposed, the facilitator resisted the urge to defend, and instead, nodded and agreed with the parent. This gave her a moment to organize her feelings and then recognize an opportunity to model empathy. So even though she was feeling embarrassed, she asked the parent, "Yes, you're right. How does my behavior make you feel?"
The parent answered, "Ignored, not important. But it's OK because I know you are a busy woman." The facilitator again felt uncomfortable as she listened to the parent discount her own feelings. At this point, she decided to move ahead with the group.
Later, the facilitator reflected on the experience using the Circle of Security Fidelity Journal. She pondered the statement of whether she was able to remain nonjudgmental as she struggled with her own feelings. Although she hadn't given it much thought, reading this statement stirred up feelings from the group.
As she reflected, the facilitator recognized her own struggle with feelings of embarrassment and guilt. In that moment during the group, she was unable to Be With the parent. And the parent's response suggests she felt their disconnect as well, as she tried to downplay her need and make things feel right again with the facilitator. Feeling connected is just that important.
