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Passing on Our Bad Habits…and Good Ones

A parent reflects about children mirror both the desired and undesired behaviors of their caregivers. The author shares a personal experience of their toddler picking up swear words, but also witnessing tender moments where the child demonstrates learned nurturing behaviors.

Sweet Moments and Swear Words

My toddler’s speech and language has come on in full force in the past 6 months – it’s been a joy to watch her taking pleasure in new ways of communicating. I’ve been surprised by how clear her speech has been - it’s been easy for strangers to understand her. But this has led me to some moments of embarrassment – strangers have been able to easily understand when she uses words I’d rather she didn’t repeat – “Oh dammit!” comes out with the perfect timing, along with a some other more extreme words (*#$!!@*%$) that I didn’t realize I must say quite frequently. I have been feeling self-conscious about it and disappointed that I haven’t been able to keep my own swearing under control. To be honest, I hadn’t even realized I used some of these words. What else was she learning from me!?

But then, I was watching her play with her teddies the other day – we’d wrapped one up in a swaddle and she was feeding and rocking it as a baby. She picked it up, held it close to her chest and nuzzled in, patting teddy softly on the back. She said in a gentle and soft voice, “ohhh, my baby girl” comforting teddy in just the same way I do with her. And it helped put the swearing in perspective. Yes, there are things I am passing on that I would rather not (the swearing is just one of them), but there are also many things she is experiencing that I am so proud to be able to share with her – things that I have had to work hard to learn myself. And so, while there are still many more habits I know I will unwittingly share, be them good and bad, the work I have done and am doing in embodying the Circle of Security is making a difference in our lives.

Hearing each other’s stories helps us connect with caregivers all around the world; and it also offers opportunities to reflect more on the Circle of Security that is present in all our lives. Please consider sharing your own story for our blog page.

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