I am an endorsed facilitator in Circle of Security Parenting (COSP). I recently had a remarkable experience co-facilitating COSP with 10 inmates in a prison.
Just a little bit of background. I have my own business, The Grief Ocean, which specializes in grief counseling and education. Parenting through grief can be one of the most difficult challenges a parent faces so I was keen to expand my learning and offerings to include COSP.
Straight away I found such resonance and alignment between grief theory and practice and COSP, in particular, the concept of Being With. Over the past 12 months I have been facilitating COSP with parents and families involved in the child protection system as well as carers and staff in our local Child Protection Office. It has all been so well received.
I completed the program at our local prison and was joined by another trained COSP facilitator, Julia Cable. What happened next has truly been one of the most incredible experiences. The COSP program was extremely impactful and exceeded all expectations. The participants’ engagement, commitment, and reflections were mind-blowing. I would also like to share just a couple of highlights.
It was wonderful to explore the powerful and hopeful concepts like ‘Exploring our Struggles’, ‘Rupture and Repair’, and ‘It’s never too late’. In week 3 when we covered Being With on the Circle, one of the participants shared with the group a significant loss that occurred during his time in prison – the death of his mother. When became emotional, the group demonstrated their understanding of Being With in such an incredibly powerful way that he then thanked the group and pointed out how the groups’ response of being fully present, respectful and not attempting to talk him out of his feelings, was a perfect example of what they have just learnt about Being With. It was amazing.
One of the participants, who is of Aboriginal descent, shared that all this learning is new to him. He shared that his parents were part of the stolen generation as were their parents which meant they never were able to parent or had the opportunity to learn parenting skills. We have a high population of Aboriginal People in our community and unfortunately there is an overrepresentation of Aboriginal people in the justice system due to significant trauma, grief and loss and impacts of Colonization and what is termed the ‘stolen generation’ – the forcible removal of Aboriginal children from their families. The participant said that the Circle made so much sense to him and he could not wait to get out and put it into practice and share his learning with his family. Each week the participants demonstrated their understanding of security and the importance of creating relationships where feelings can be shared to develop healthy lifelong emotional capacities. We also observed them being Hands for each other.
Some of the participants wrote letters to the facilitators, and shared how they are already using what they are learning during their contact visits with their children. They also shared their learnings with their partners, through phone and video contact, talking about the Circle of Security and their children’s needs. They also demonstrated the power of human connection and importance of feeling safe and secure through their interaction with each other. Honestly life changing!
