In the winter of 2010, when my oldest son was 12 years old I drove 400km (248 miles) round trip once a week for eight weeks to take the Circle of Security parenting class. Although I worked in the field of child development I had never before heard of Circle of Security. I was cautiously optimistic this would help our family. Let’s be honest – I was desperate for this to be helpful to our family.
We met in a large room, between eight to ten of us caregivers each week. We all had adopted our children or grandchildren and never before had I felt so at home in a group. I had met both of our facilitators before which was nice but everyone soon felt comfortable. Right from the mention of being a “Good Enough Parent” I was hooked. Then when the next sentence of “Never too Late” came on I began to cry. I cried a lot during those eight weeks. Tears of loss, grief, and regret but also of redemption, openness, and hope. When we learned about the circle and the hands and miscues I had a new way of explaining my interactions with my son. We had been struggling together since his adoption at the age of three. I was able to go home and share the information with my husband who was unable to attend the class. We were given a magnet of the circle to put on our fridge. That magnet has had a prominent place on our fridge for the past 13 years. We often will begin to lose our way in dealings with each other and then we will see the magnet and it prompts us – “Where am I on the circle?” or “Is he miscuing?”.
Last year I was given the chance to take Circle of Security training to become a facilitator through my work. At times those emotions of being a lost parent who just wanted to better understand her child came through during training. But I was able to see how much progress our entire family made, even the relationship between my husband and I, after taking COSP as a parent. Now I have the chance to share this gift with other families in our community and I have never felt more proud and fulfilled.
Story shared by Tina Szymczak, COSP Facilitator
Hearing each other’s stories helps us connect with caregivers all around the world; and it also offers opportunities to reflect more on the Circle of Security that is present in all our lives. Please consider sharing your own story for our blog page. Click here to submit your story.