A Pothole in the Road

potholes in the street


t’s spring here where I live in the north country, and I’m reminded of an old saying. “We have two seasons here, winter and road construction.” And so, as winter comes to an end, we have officially entered pothole season! I was driving down the road yesterday and found I had to put extra time and energy into scanning the road to avoid the potholes in the road. Have you ever driven down a road full of potholes? It can be very stressful!

This got me thinking about rupture and repair. Imagine we are cruising down a road together, and we have a rupture. Maybe it’s a dirty look, mean words, ignoring, or feeling misunderstood, rejected, blamed. We can either talk about what happened or spend time and energy in our relationship trying to avoid talking about it. A pothole in the road. Over time, the more struggles in relationship we avoid, the more difficult the journey together. So much of our time and energy gets focused on trying to avoid the potholes, trying to stay away from those places that don’t feel safe when we are together.

If only repairing a rupture were as simple as filling in a pothole. With relationships it takes a bit more. First, we have to recognize the rupture, and then we have to make a choice to do something about it. It’s upon our openness to name and work with our struggles that security is built. Of course, this requires a modest degree of felt safety for us. Do I know where I struggle? Do you know where I struggle? This is not always easy to lean into, and this is where learning Circle of Security Parenting can help us find our way on the road to security.

I invite you to share with me your comments, reflections, Circle stories and experiences with Circle of Security Parenting. Your submissions may be used in future blog posts, with all identifying information excluded, unless you specifically request to be identified. Contact me at brooke[at]circleofsecurityinternational[dot]com.