A Facilitator Reflects About a Recent Group – Circle of Security International

COVID-19 Update

A Facilitator Reflects About a Recent Group

A Facilitator Reflects About a Recent Group

When using COSP with parents, we are inviting caregivers to be vulnerable and to think about times when they struggled. One dad told a story of how he was rough with his child. The Facilitator struggled to hold the dad and his feelings of guilt for being mean and scaring his child.

During the coaching session, the Facilitator shared her struggle and explored her own Shark Music. She talked about her urge to address the problem behavior of the dad, rather than focusing on his feelings of guilt.

The following week in coaching, the Facilitator shared how the dad talked again about the incident, and his reflections over the past week, and the impact that his actions had on his relationship with his child. His story was more coherent as he used Circle language to describe his struggle to be Hands, and how in those moments he goes mean.  The Facilitator felt that this dad was able to reflect on the relationship with his child because the Facilitator had not activated his defensiveness or corrected him and closed down the conversation.

The Facilitator reflected further. “I went on with the dad to reflect about the difference in thinking about his parenting story in the COS context – I realize now that I am helping this dad to develop a deeper understanding of himself; in the past he would come with a story, and as I listened I would ask myself, ‘Is this right or is it wrong?’ With COSP it’s different; we are inviting parents to reflect on what is happening and by doing this we are actually safeguarding children.”

In coaching, the Fidelity Coach was able to create a safe space for the Facilitator. In turn, the Facilitator created a safe space for the dad to reflect on being Hands and his impact on the relationship with his child. He was able to make the changes he needed to, and in so doing, his child was actually in a better place.