A mother recently described her experience of recognizing and leaning into the intensity of her Shark Music, choosing security in the midst of both her own and her daughter’s distress.
She was in the middle of a pharmacy, waiting for her medication to be prepared when her 3 year old daughter ran out of the shop and towards a main road. Mum said, “I knew it was a take charge moment – I had to set a limit. I also knew that my daughter was not going to be happy about it, and that there were going to be a lot of big feelings to come. This is where I hear my Shark Music. I have always shied away from intense emotions – big displays of anger and sadness have always been a no-go zone. Until I started Circle of Security Parenting, I had always found ways to shut my daughter’s feelings down – either by distracting her, giving in and not setting the limit or getting mean.”
“Standing in the pharmacy, I knew this was my going to be an intense process but I also wanted to approach her feelings differently. I felt the pull to shut her down, to get angry and mean. I had the familiar messages that I now recognize as coming from Shark Music – “she’s being a brat”, “don’t let her get away with this”. To add to this, there was a shop full of other customers all of who had their own responses to my daughter’s feelings – it was a shark frenzy.
“Despite all this, I now had a second option and recognized that this was my choice point. I held her close and stroked her back, trying to acknowledge her frustration with me at not being allowed to explore. Even as I held her, my Shark Music played – “everyone thinks she is spoilt”, “you can’t comfort her for being naughty”. But I also had a new message, “she needs me to Organize her Feelings”, “it’s OK to be frustrated.”
“By the time we got to the car, we were both pretty exhausted. She fell asleep within minutes. It took me a bit longer to wind down, but it felt good to be able to have a new way to respond to her needs, and I have confidence that making this new choice is a good thing.”
I invite you to share with me your comments, reflections, Circle stories and experiences with Circle of Security Parenting. Your submissions may be used in future blog posts, with all identifying information excluded, unless you specifically request to be identified. Contact me at brooke[at]circleofsecurityinternational[dot]com
