What Does Jasmyn Need? – Circle of Security International

COVID-19 Update

What Does Jasmyn Need?

Brenda has a 3-year-old daughter, Jasmyn. She signed her daughter up for her first gymnastics class and bought her a sparkly new leotard. She thought her daughter would love it. But when they got there, Jasmyn, wouldn’t go out to the coach and she just hid behind her mother. Brenda tried to get her to go to the coach but it made Jasmyn cling harder which made Brenda feel annoyed and a little embarrassed. Brenda told her daughter she had to and tried to push her out toward the coach a bit, which made Jasmyn panicky and start to cry. By then, Brenda was feeling angry because she had spent money on this class and thought Jasmyn would like it.

Brenda is sitting on the bench wondering who is watching and what they are thinking. Jasmyn is hiding under her mother’s arm, sneaking glances at the coach and the other children.

As facilitators, we have the opportunity to model for parents what we hope they can do for their children. Being able to stay calm and notice the parent’s shark music will gently help them start to feel safe enough to see it themselves. Being with the parent as they start to have awareness of their own big emotions will allow the parent more experience to be with their children’s big emotions.

Both the mother and the child are in a bind. The mother doesn’t want to leave. She has paid money for the class and she knows the child will enjoy it once she joins in. The child wants to join in but it’s all so new and exciting and scary. Both feel overwhelmed and aren’t sure what to do next.

If this scenario was brought up in a COSP group, how would you help support this mother?

What would you do to guide the mother toward observing where her daughter is at on the Circle so she has a better idea of what her daughter needs from her?

What feelings does this scenario bring up for you?