The Circle of Security is About Hope and Heartbreak – Circle of Security International

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The Circle of Security is About Hope and Heartbreak

For many of us, learning the Circle of Security is not only professionally enriching, but also a profoundly personal experience. We come to learn about the Circle as professionals and discover that this is not just about?the families we work with but, rather, this is about all of us. Early in my Circle work I shared an experience with a parent that both broke my heart, and filled me with hope. A pregnant mom shared with me how she already knew that the baby she was carrying did not like her. She said she knew this because of how her baby kicked furiously every time she laughed. She believed this meant that the baby did not want her to feel happy. I fought my urge to protect the unborn child and set the mom straight, to point out how unfair were these negative attributions onto her unborn baby. Instead, I joined with her and expressed to her how painful that must be, to know with such certainty that her child does not want her to be happy. The mom burst into tears and shared how her own mother blamed her for all her unhappiness in her life ? her failed marriage, homelessness, poverty. Later, as I reflected on the time spent with this mother, I realized my urge to defend and protect the baby was really about my desire to defend and protect myself against the pain of remembering. Being with this pregnant?mother brought to the surface memories and feelings of a history of blame, hurt, and loss in my own early relationships. I could feel my own struggle?in her story. Through this experience I was once again reminded that we are all in this together. And this filled me with hope. For the Circle is a story of hope, fulfillment, and heartbreak of our first love. For better or for worse, it is a love story?about our?first attachments, where we come to learn about what it means to be a person in this world.?